Sunday, October 28, 2012

La Paz County Candidates, Part 1

Ugh, where to begin with this group of miscreants, nut jobs, slobs, and fakers? We thought Qsite was messed up? The county is much worse.

Sheriff's race- ugh, this is about the worst group. First, John Drum. The drums he's using to promote himself are as empty as the promises he's making to fix the SO. He was a bad magistrate judge and a bad supervisor. Elect him and he will continue this tradition. He'll use his power at the SO to look the other way on his fellow bar flies intoxicated driving habits. Drum isn't anything new, he's more of the same good old boys network that has kept La Paz County from growing and thriving so that he and his friends can prosper, while making sure that others don't. Then we have Candy Escorza. She's had her AZ POST cert pulled for life. That's a pretty big deal. After all, look at all the misconduct Chief Dilbert has gotten away with while POST looks the other way. I wonder if her ex Joe will be helping her out if she manages to get elected. These two are a bad combo for La Paz County. Last, Jose Moreno. He's the one I know practically nothing about. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe as an outsider from the same old same old, he has a chance to make some improvements (much much needed improvements) at the SO. I saw the video of the meet the candidates out in Salome that was held this summer and he came across as a blundering fool. Plus he's from CRIT, and that place is more fucked up than Qsite and the County combined.

District 1 Supervisor- this is a scary one too. First, DL Wilson. He's been in town politics for years, and is deeply entrenched in the good old boys network with Drum. I doubt he will make a good supervisor, but if you want the county to maintain the backwards, same as its always been, then vote for DL. Missy Gilbert. Where to start with this chick? First, if she's a democrat then I'm the Easter Bunny. She only chose to be a democrats so she can win the reservation. Given her tea party, right wing views, anyone with half a brain can see she's a faux democrat. Speaking of faux, obviously size matters to Missy, because her signs are a giant as her fake boobs. Wonder if size mattered to all the girls her hubby was hooking up with before he was run out of the SO? Maybe, because I can't see where they would be attracted to his looks so size must be a factor. On a positive note, she could do your nails during BOS meetings. She can multitask, I hear.

District 2- let's see, Clapperton or who? Who is running against him? I don't know anything about the other candidate, but King is a bit of a whacko, I think. I remember reading his comments on the Pioneer in years past (ALL CAPS!) and he's out there. So he'll fit right in with county government.

District 3- Holly Irwin or Paul Hale. Well lets see, what did Holly promise us last time she ran? Oh that's right, to settle the Yakima suit ASAP. How long into her term did she forget all about that promise? Probably on day one when John Drum took her under his wing. She's done nothing for anyone except improve her own quality of life (and that of her bloated park ranger husband). Same shit, different day with her. Paul Hale? Don't know much about him, except that he doesn't seem to be a part of the good old boys network, which is why he will lose.

County Assessor- Well the choices in this race is lose lose for LPC. Sharon Schuler is George's protege, which is why he retired so she could run as an incumbent. She's no different than Nault, so if you liked him, vote for her. Squeak Kossar. Ugh, this guy. He reminds me of a beached whale. I can't see what he will bring to the assessors office, other than a giant supply of Baby Ruth's and sweat. No doubt the first thing he will need is a larger chair. I don't know if he can deliver on all those promises he's made.

County Attorney- I'll have to write this later. My tummy can't handle this much grossness at one time. I admit, I'm weak.

Someone was a Very Bad Boy

Who? Why Steve Lundell. It seems that fine Mormon boy Lundell was being a naughty boy when he was assigned to the task force. Such a bad boy, in fact, that Sleazy Sammy yanked him out of there so fast and halted an investigation into his actions. Wonder why Sammy pulled him out of there so fast? Rumor has it that Lundell has some messy dirt on Sammy he wouldn't want the general public to know about. Could it be something like catching Mikey and his GF Sleazy in a compromising position? That's what we've heard.

The letter from the ACJC is quite informative, and I'd love to hear how Lundell explains his ejection from the task force offices. Seems their was a little too much freedom at the task forces offices and someone needed to be under the watchful eye of Sammy to make sure he was being a good boy. Tsk tsk.

Imagine the kind of things he will do, and subsequently cover up, as CA.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Bluto vs Fraudster

The scene, a dusty desert town. Tumble weeds roll across the almost empty streets while frail old people hide in there ramshackle homes and peak out the drawn curtains. They know something's afoot, but being of below average IQ, they can't quiet tell what's going on. On one end of the towns Main Street, stands a old man. He's lost many of his teeth, he's withered, he's poor, but stands proud in his hole riddled sandals with dirty white socks (also full of holes). His back is straight because he stands for...... well, we aren't sure what he stands for. But it's probably something good. Maybe. His name is Fraudster.

At the other end of Main Street, a newcomer. She is clad head to foot in polyester. We think its the Betty White Fall 2010 collection but we aren't entirely sure. We all agree the ensemble came from K Mart. If you glance quickly, you might mistake her for a kindly grandmother type. But look more closely, you'll see the evil radiating from her eyes. If you take a much harder look, you'll see the man behind this woman (wait, are we sure she's a woman?), Mr. Jerry Pukerson.  The woman? Well that's Bluto. Biggest con artist Quartzsite has seen to date, and that is saying A LOT.

As the wind whips up little dust devils, the lonesome Fraudster looks fearful for a second. After all, he's alone except for a ragtag group of wanna be's and never was's hiding in their shanty on wheels. If he'd only saved a little of his pension check from his years of doing, hrm, something, and bought himself a shot of liquid courage, he'd feel better about his chances against Bluto and Pukerson. But damn, the one thing he ain't is fiscally responsible and the barkeep at Silly Al's won't run him a tab anymore. Oh the humanity!

Fraudster is resolute. He wants to pretend fight for a seat he doesn't really want big time. He wants to pound his chest and say "I'm the Mayor of Shit Town!". That, and a buck fifty, will get him one of the daily drink specials at Silly Al's. Right now, he's got the sympathy of all the rubes, they think "poor Ol Fraudster", the evil Town is keeping him from taking his place as ruler of shitsville. He likes the adoration he gets from masses. If they like him, they might buy him a drink or two, and hellz yeah, that would be just swell! But if he actually gets to sit up on that council podium, what them? Will he have to make good on any of those things he promised when he was up for election? Who can even remember what was promised? Do you know how much alcohol has gone into and come out of that man in the past few months?  It boggles the mind.

So what's the high plain grifter Bluto got in her arsenal? Well, she's got failed mayoral candidate Jerry Pukerson, the even more below average IQ council, the dastardly chief Hef Dilbert who would do all sorts of criminal acts for his buddy Pukerson before, but now that Pukerson got him his precious job back? Well game on! Pukerson now owns the keys to Dilberts testicles from now to eternity. Dilberts wife wasn't interested in those testicles anyway, but Flabby Farcia might miss them terribly. Perhaps she and Pukerson can work out a time share deal.

Fraudsters eyes close to nearly slits. Is he stratigerizing or just nodding off? We can't know. Bluto looks smug and almost like an upright citizen from our vantage point. Granted, we aren't close enough to smell the sulfur emanating from her pores, but having read her deposition in the school finance fiasco, upright citizen she ain't.

The showdown begins. Fraudster, having no one close by to tell him what to say, stays quiet. Bluto, empowered by an idiot council, her master Pukerson, and Hef Dilbert in her back pocket (where all bought and paid for lawmen are kept), says to Fraudster "go ahead, take us to court". Which leaves us to wonder, what will Fraudster do? He has no money (again, fiscal irresponsibility and that nasty drinking problem) and at some point his lawyer with the oddly shaped head is going to want to get paid.

So Bluto, leading her council of idiots by the nose, seems to have won this round. But if we know nothing else, we know that all good soap operas have many twists and turns. Fraudster may be down, but I wouldn't count him out. And really, who cares at this point? He's only one vote and Bluto has the rest of the council (besides Fraudsters main squeeze) on the idiot council.

What will happen next? Will Bluto be able to withstand the hits that just keep coming at her? Will she be able to run Town Hall by herself since the employees are bailing out at unbelievable speed? Hmmm, that's an interesting thought, if all the town employees are gone, no one will be there to watch her rob the place blind! Maybe that's what she's going for. Will the town be able to find insurance it can afford? Will Bluto finally realize what a massive failure Terry Fraudsto is as Clerk? And what a pile of shit Dilbert is?

All we know is, this story just gets better and better. Join us next time on The Old and The Witless.